CHANGE: A FACT OF LIFE

We live in a world of change, yet we act on the basis of continuity.  Change is a fact of life.  But somehow we fear change because it seems to be unfamiliar and it disturbs us.  We ignore it, we avoid it, and often we try to resist it.  Continuity, on the other hand, is familiar, it provides safety and security.  Thus, when we plan for the future, we prefer to assume present conditions will continue, but they rarely do.  Because of this we experience unnecessary losses and miss unseen opportunities.  If we could learn to anticipate change and be prepared for it, we could make it work for us and not against us.  There is a very natural human desire that things should always remain unchanged, but to succumb to this is death. Alvin Toffler in “Future Shock” warned that the future would shock us.  In order to avoid that shock we must learn to master change.  The new approach is to recognize that change is natural and to be expected and that continuity is unnatural and to be suspected.

Our relationships change as we move to new places, experience illness, and ultimately face death.  A friend of mine sent a beautiful anecdote about life.

Life: a journey on a train 

Life is like a journey on a train... with its stations... with changes of routes... and with accidents!  At birth, we boarded the train and met our parents. We believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station, our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.

As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant: our siblings, friends, children, and may be the love of our life.  Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.  Others will go so unnoticed that we don't realize that they vacated their seats!

This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all the passengers...requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down.  So, we must live in the best way - love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are.  It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty -- we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

Yes, change is the one certainty in our world. Henry Lyte's melancholy line in his hymn "Abide With Me" is true: "Change and decay in all around I see." But the hymn immediately adds, "O Thou who changest not, abide with me!"

Let us thank God (He is our firm foundation, who can give us confidence and security in this changing world) for the privilege of being part of the journey and have a joyful journey in the train of life!  To face life's changes, look to the unchanging God.

I thank you for being one of the passengers 

who is a source of strength and comfort 

for me on this train!

HOME: A HEAVEN AWAY FROM HEAVEN

God in His/Her design wanted human beings to enjoy the heaven on this earth. It is the individuals who care for each other and share the experiences together that form a home. It is not the uniformity of ideas and ideals but the harmony of the members of the family that create a home.  You must have heard that earlier we had smaller houses and larger families, but now we have bigger houses and smaller families. It is a fact that there was a time that each member of the family felt obligated to the others in the family – it was not out of an attitude of duty, but out of love and concern.  The human beings, because of their sinful nature and individualistic attitudes, many a times move away from the design of God and make it a hell. The main reason for this is that we forget the basic principles of making a home.  We are living in a culture where money, power, position, beauty etc. are considered as priorities; whereas the mystery of a blessed marriage lies in mutual understanding, mutual appreciation and mutual acceptance between the members of the family.

Lack of acceptance of the other as other is the basic reason for breaking of marriages. We cannot expect wonders overnight where the bride and groom weld together – wedding is a welding of two individuals!  When two individuals are united in marriage and eagerly enter into married life, each partner has his or her own predispositions. It must have been created in their minds because of their past experiences – it must have come because of what they have seen, heard and read – may be from their own families, friends and books/articles.  Their character and attitude towards marriage is formed out of these. Both the partners have their own biases because of this.  An unlearning and then a new learning is what are needed to succeed in marriage.  A partner may be accustomed to getting up early in the morning whereas the other may be used to getting up at 8 am or even later; one may catch a head ache when he/she gets up early because of the habit of getting up late; one may prefer bed coffee and the other tea; one may have grown in families where the father controls whereas the other in family where the mother runs the home affairs. In order to have a blessed home set, mutual understanding is needed. Patience is part of the game of marriage and not blames game.  To re-word the title of a book by James Dobbson – Parenting is not for Cowards – I would say, marriage is not cowards.

For mutual acceptance, mutual appreciation is a must. How can we appreciate the other?  There is only one means for that - mutually understand. In order to mutually understand, a process of mutual exploration is needed.  The partners have to sit together and ask each other why they are doing what they are doing; is their room for change and how etc.. This shall take away the tendency to blame the other for the difference the partner sees in the other.  I have read somewhere an incident that took place in a train that started from a North Indian city.  As the evening set in, the people in a bogie were getting ready to sleep.  But their sleep was disturbed by a child who was crying loud.  The people in the bogie started grumbling, but the cry was becoming louder and louder as the time went by.  Grumbling gave way to cursing, screaming and shouting.  The father with whom the child was finally spoke with a sob that he wanted to control the child’s cry but could not.  He added that he was taking the child to Kerala to leave the child with his parents because his wife (the child’s mother) passed away and he cannot keep the child at his place of work. It is said the cursing and fuming stopped; a nursing mother took the child, breast-fed her and made her quiet.  After that the child was taken care of by everyone in the bogie and she became a pet of all.  As a pastor I have noticed that the unwillingness to explore each other and thereby understand each other and accept each other that damages the relationship. The ego, instead of self esteem plays the villain of the game of family life.

If the husband and wife can accept each other, the foundation of heaven on earth is put.  Then it is easy to build on it when the children arrive and it shall turn to be a heaven away from heaven.

BE JOYOUS & NOT HAPPY

Back to the blog after a long interval! A few have called me to ask what is happening to the blog.  I was waiting for an internet connection and finally I have got one! It is encouraging to get the feedback. Thanks to the friends who made inquiries.  

We live in a world where everyone looks for happiness and not joy. You may be wondering what the difference between happiness and joy is. Joy and happiness are both emotions where a person has feelings of contentment or satisfaction. But both these feelings differ from each other based on the reasons causing the feeling and the nature of the feeling.  J.D. Salinger, the author of Catcher in the Rye, once wrote, "The fact is always obvious much too late but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy is a liquid."  I came across a comparison chart which distinguishes 'happiness' from 'joy'.    

	Happiness	Joy
Meaning	Happiness is an emotion in which one experiences feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure.	Joy is a stronger, less common feeling than happiness. Witnessing or achieving selflessness to the point of personal sacrifice frequently triggers this emotion. Being connected to God or to others in a great cause and synergistic result.
Causes	earthly experiences, material objects	Spiritual experiences, caring for others, gratitude, thankfulness
Emotion	outward expression of elation	inward peace and contentment
Time frame	temporary, based on outward circumstances	lasting, based on inward circumstances
Example	In the midst of life's ups and downs happiness is still present.	Serving others, sometimes through sacrifice with no possible personal gain. Witnessing justice for the less fortunate. Experiencing God's mercy and grace and feeling His love. All can result in joy.
Analogy	Happiness is a state. Think of it as a 100 story building and each level corresponds to a happiness value. And that happiness will persist for quite a long time	Joy is that sudden burst of happiness. Joy is like the elevator in that building that takes you up to higher levels of happiness only for a small amount of time and back.
Life	Happiness is a byproduct of a moral lifestyle.	Joy can be experienced from any good activity, food or company.

Dr. Stanley Jones had once given a beautiful definition for ‘joy’ – Jesus first, others second and you the last.  Be people of ‘joy’ and not ‘happiness’.

YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE

PEOPLE AROUND - A MIRROR TO ONESELF

Many a times we grumble and complaint that no one loves us, no one gives consideration to us and no one cares for us. Have we ever thought that the people around us are a reflection of us?  When you complain that you never get a visitor to your home or no one comes to visit you in hospital, have you asked yourself whether you have visited any home, or hospital.  Have we ever realized that depending on our face’s expression, those who come across respond?  To know whether you have a happy face, look at the face of the other person that comes opposite of you.  If he/she smiles, that means you have a smiling face. If, still with your smiling face, some one looks grouchy or melancholic remember that the one who comes opposite of you must either be preoccupied with something in his/her mind and have not noticed you or he/she is mentally sick. He/she needs your compassionate care.  Smile when you see another person coming near you - give this a try - you will see the difference.  I also have noticed that once we smile at someone, we ourselves receive a positive energy and it lingers in us for a few more seconds; if not a few minutes.  It becomes a habit eventually and it shall transform your character.

Once there was a mad woman who believed that her body was composed of celestial matter and not of gross earthly stuff.  She often used to say that in beauty and perfection her body had no equal on earth.  One day they brought her a full-length mirror and she saw her own reflection.  She was so enraged that she threw a chair at the mirror, breaking it into a thousand pieces.  Then she heaved a great sigh of relief.  When they asked her why she had broken the mirror, she replied that she had done so because the mirror wanted to spoil her beauty by trying to transform her heavenly body into an earthly one.

      Family and friends are mirrors that reflect your real self.  Breaking the mirror is stupid, and so is renouncing the world.  You have to transform yourself, not the mirror.  And this transformation can happen where you are right now.  Revolution begins at the centre.  Trying to start it on the periphery is a sheer waste of time.  You have to start with yourself.  Your family and friends are not standing on your way.  If anyone is standing on your way, it is you. 

DON’T QUIT BUT CONQUER

When the untoward and unexpected things happen in our lives, the tendency is to succumb to it and quit. Quitters can never win and winners shall never quit.  The circumstances that tempt us to quit can be made a means to gain resistance power to go forward in life.  It can be made an opportunity to gain stamina to conquer.  Always remember that the clouds come as a flash and goes off whereas the sun remains and it shall re-appear after a few minutes.  Patience is what is needed always. 

Following is a beautiful poem for you to ponder and be encouraged.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, 

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill, 

When the funds are low and the debts are high, 

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 

When care is pressing you down a bit, 

Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns, 

As every one of us sometimes learns, 

And many a failure turns about, 

When he might have won had he stuck it out; 

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow– 

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than 

It seems to a faint and faltering man, 

Often the struggler has given up, 

When he might have captured the victor’s cup, 

And he learned too late when the night slipped down, 

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out– 

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, 

And you never can tell how close you are, 

It may be near when it seems so far, 

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit– 

It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

                                                                                            (Author unknown)

You can communicate your opinions with me via email: gvkallumpuram@gmail.com

SERVANTS ARE HUMAN BEINGS

How do we treat our servants – as fellow human beings or even meaner than the pet animals of our homes?  When we go up in the social and economic ladder of life, what we look for are servants to help us at our home.  Depending on the ‘status’, the number of servants also increases.  Have we ever thought that we are becoming dependent to them and thereby becoming helpless and hapless?  We become so dependent to them that we cannot survive without them.  Have we thought that we should be obliged to them rather than them thankful to us because they can live without us but we cannot live without them?  We have to remember that our money is of no use if they are not available for our service. We have to bear in mind, once we become dependent on them: If not we, they may have someone else, but if not they who shall be for us – not even our children shall be of help to us at the time of need.

Arrogance towards the servants and ill-treating even to the extent of  physical torture is very common in many of the houses and seems to be on the rise (I am aware and also acknowledge that there are masters/mistresses who treat the servants with honor and consider them as fellow humans).   We read and see through mass media the incidents of ill treatment to the maid-servants even by the so-called ‘educated’ and ‘cultured’ and even ‘religious’.  The result of education should be broadening our mind to accept the other, the sign of culture should be to include the other as part of ourselves and outcome of religion should be seeing God in the other. If not, then we are not educated, cultured and religious. It is beyond on iota of doubt that a servant should be treated with dignity and our treatment should bring in them a pride to serve the fellow human beings who are in real need. 

The reason I write this is because of a short film I have seen on Face Book (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=442476422507951).  Could you end seeing it without a drop of tear in your eyes or at least a disturbance in your mind?  If yes, you have lost the humaneness and has thereby stopped to be a human being. 

You can communicate your opinions with me via email: gvkallumpuram@gmail.com

THINK BEFORE YOU SAY AND ACT

We never think of the consequences of our hurting words and haughty bout of reactions even to petty and silly things.  We never think before we say, act or react to the untoward incidents that happen in our lives. When our ego is hurt, we become blind.  Hurt ego makes us demons.  Many a times that which happens as a result of hurt ego is irrevocable actions and reactions.  Hence we are to be very careful and should think before we act and react.  “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath …” advises St. James in the Bible (James 1:19).   

I wish to give two incidents to which I am a witness.  When I was posted to a new parish as its Vicar, on the first Sunday of my taking charge, after the Holy Communion Service, a note was given to me as I was coming out to make the announcement.  The note mentioned that a particular person passed away.  I lost my temper but did not react at that time.  I started the announcement that so and so passed away after which I was thinking of adding, “Is this the tradition of this Church?  Why no one let me know of the death before hand”.  But as I announced the name of the person, someone in the first pew asked, “How did you come to know of it?” He then added, “He was staying alone in the house.”  I profusely thanked God for not reacting too soon. 

I was a witness to the second incident.  During a baptism ceremony, the officiating person was offended because when he came out for the sacrament, he saw a lady sitting in the first pew (Our Church tradition is that when the priest comes out from the holy of the holies – we name it madbaha – the congregation is supposed to stand).  Being hurt because of the ‘disrespect’ he announced that everyone should stand during the worship.  The lady sitting in the front did not respond.  The priest shouted and said, “I have told everyone to stand.  You are not supposed to sit during the worship.  Those who cannot stand should go the back of the Church.”  When this is shouted out, the person sitting in the front went to the back row.  After the Service was over, the person came to me crying.  I found that that lady had come directly from the Cancer Care Centre travelling about 150 kms  just to attend her granddaughter’s baptism. She could not stand because of the chemotherapy she has undergone. If only the person who officiated thought that there must be some reason for her to sit! He could have asked, “Why are you sitting?” or ignored thinking himself that there must be some reason!

People make mistakes.  But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Pause and ponder.  Think before you act.  Be patient and try to understand.

You can communicate your opinions with me via email: gvkallumpuram@gmail.com