CHANGE: A FACT OF LIFE

We live in a world of change, yet we act on the basis of continuity.  Change is a fact of life.  But somehow we fear change because it seems to be unfamiliar and it disturbs us.  We ignore it, we avoid it, and often we try to resist it.  Continuity, on the other hand, is familiar, it provides safety and security.  Thus, when we plan for the future, we prefer to assume present conditions will continue, but they rarely do.  Because of this we experience unnecessary losses and miss unseen opportunities.  If we could learn to anticipate change and be prepared for it, we could make it work for us and not against us.  There is a very natural human desire that things should always remain unchanged, but to succumb to this is death. Alvin Toffler in “Future Shock” warned that the future would shock us.  In order to avoid that shock we must learn to master change.  The new approach is to recognize that change is natural and to be expected and that continuity is unnatural and to be suspected.

Our relationships change as we move to new places, experience illness, and ultimately face death.  A friend of mine sent a beautiful anecdote about life.

Life: a journey on a train 

Life is like a journey on a train... with its stations... with changes of routes... and with accidents!  At birth, we boarded the train and met our parents. We believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station, our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone.

As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant: our siblings, friends, children, and may be the love of our life.  Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.  Others will go so unnoticed that we don't realize that they vacated their seats!

This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all the passengers...requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down.  So, we must live in the best way - love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are.  It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty -- we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

Yes, change is the one certainty in our world. Henry Lyte's melancholy line in his hymn "Abide With Me" is true: "Change and decay in all around I see." But the hymn immediately adds, "O Thou who changest not, abide with me!"

Let us thank God (He is our firm foundation, who can give us confidence and security in this changing world) for the privilege of being part of the journey and have a joyful journey in the train of life!  To face life's changes, look to the unchanging God.

I thank you for being one of the passengers 

who is a source of strength and comfort 

for me on this train!

HOME: A HEAVEN AWAY FROM HEAVEN

God in His/Her design wanted human beings to enjoy the heaven on this earth. It is the individuals who care for each other and share the experiences together that form a home. It is not the uniformity of ideas and ideals but the harmony of the members of the family that create a home.  You must have heard that earlier we had smaller houses and larger families, but now we have bigger houses and smaller families. It is a fact that there was a time that each member of the family felt obligated to the others in the family – it was not out of an attitude of duty, but out of love and concern.  The human beings, because of their sinful nature and individualistic attitudes, many a times move away from the design of God and make it a hell. The main reason for this is that we forget the basic principles of making a home.  We are living in a culture where money, power, position, beauty etc. are considered as priorities; whereas the mystery of a blessed marriage lies in mutual understanding, mutual appreciation and mutual acceptance between the members of the family.

Lack of acceptance of the other as other is the basic reason for breaking of marriages. We cannot expect wonders overnight where the bride and groom weld together – wedding is a welding of two individuals!  When two individuals are united in marriage and eagerly enter into married life, each partner has his or her own predispositions. It must have been created in their minds because of their past experiences – it must have come because of what they have seen, heard and read – may be from their own families, friends and books/articles.  Their character and attitude towards marriage is formed out of these. Both the partners have their own biases because of this.  An unlearning and then a new learning is what are needed to succeed in marriage.  A partner may be accustomed to getting up early in the morning whereas the other may be used to getting up at 8 am or even later; one may catch a head ache when he/she gets up early because of the habit of getting up late; one may prefer bed coffee and the other tea; one may have grown in families where the father controls whereas the other in family where the mother runs the home affairs. In order to have a blessed home set, mutual understanding is needed. Patience is part of the game of marriage and not blames game.  To re-word the title of a book by James Dobbson – Parenting is not for Cowards – I would say, marriage is not cowards.

For mutual acceptance, mutual appreciation is a must. How can we appreciate the other?  There is only one means for that - mutually understand. In order to mutually understand, a process of mutual exploration is needed.  The partners have to sit together and ask each other why they are doing what they are doing; is their room for change and how etc.. This shall take away the tendency to blame the other for the difference the partner sees in the other.  I have read somewhere an incident that took place in a train that started from a North Indian city.  As the evening set in, the people in a bogie were getting ready to sleep.  But their sleep was disturbed by a child who was crying loud.  The people in the bogie started grumbling, but the cry was becoming louder and louder as the time went by.  Grumbling gave way to cursing, screaming and shouting.  The father with whom the child was finally spoke with a sob that he wanted to control the child’s cry but could not.  He added that he was taking the child to Kerala to leave the child with his parents because his wife (the child’s mother) passed away and he cannot keep the child at his place of work. It is said the cursing and fuming stopped; a nursing mother took the child, breast-fed her and made her quiet.  After that the child was taken care of by everyone in the bogie and she became a pet of all.  As a pastor I have noticed that the unwillingness to explore each other and thereby understand each other and accept each other that damages the relationship. The ego, instead of self esteem plays the villain of the game of family life.

If the husband and wife can accept each other, the foundation of heaven on earth is put.  Then it is easy to build on it when the children arrive and it shall turn to be a heaven away from heaven.

BE JOYOUS & NOT HAPPY

Back to the blog after a long interval! A few have called me to ask what is happening to the blog.  I was waiting for an internet connection and finally I have got one! It is encouraging to get the feedback. Thanks to the friends who made inquiries.  

We live in a world where everyone looks for happiness and not joy. You may be wondering what the difference between happiness and joy is. Joy and happiness are both emotions where a person has feelings of contentment or satisfaction. But both these feelings differ from each other based on the reasons causing the feeling and the nature of the feeling.  J.D. Salinger, the author of Catcher in the Rye, once wrote, "The fact is always obvious much too late but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy is a liquid."  I came across a comparison chart which distinguishes 'happiness' from 'joy'.    

	Happiness	Joy
Meaning	Happiness is an emotion in which one experiences feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense pleasure.	Joy is a stronger, less common feeling than happiness. Witnessing or achieving selflessness to the point of personal sacrifice frequently triggers this emotion. Being connected to God or to others in a great cause and synergistic result.
Causes	earthly experiences, material objects	Spiritual experiences, caring for others, gratitude, thankfulness
Emotion	outward expression of elation	inward peace and contentment
Time frame	temporary, based on outward circumstances	lasting, based on inward circumstances
Example	In the midst of life's ups and downs happiness is still present.	Serving others, sometimes through sacrifice with no possible personal gain. Witnessing justice for the less fortunate. Experiencing God's mercy and grace and feeling His love. All can result in joy.
Analogy	Happiness is a state. Think of it as a 100 story building and each level corresponds to a happiness value. And that happiness will persist for quite a long time	Joy is that sudden burst of happiness. Joy is like the elevator in that building that takes you up to higher levels of happiness only for a small amount of time and back.
Life	Happiness is a byproduct of a moral lifestyle.	Joy can be experienced from any good activity, food or company.

Dr. Stanley Jones had once given a beautiful definition for ‘joy’ – Jesus first, others second and you the last.  Be people of ‘joy’ and not ‘happiness’.