JEALOUSY: AN EMOTION THAT HARMS YOURSELF

Jealousy is a complex emotion that encompasses many different kinds of feelings that range from fear of abandonment to rage to humiliation.  There is a common thinking that jealousy is a necessary emotion because it motivates you and preserves social bonds. Healthy competitive mindset that enables entrepreneurship is mistaken by these people as jealousy.  Jealousy usually does more harm than good to relationships, and can create relationship conflict and violence.  It is a mental cancer that bites off all happiness from our lives.  According to Fulton J. Sheen it is “the tribute mediocrity pays to genius.”  “Never hate jealous people.  They are jealous because they think you are better than them.” writes Paulo Coelho.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity, depression, abuse, cheating, hate, weakness and low self esteem.  Many a times we mistake it as a sign of devotion, obsession an love towards someone.  It happens when a person feels that a relationship that is of importance to him/her is threatened by someone else outside of the relationship - be it romantic, friendship, parent-child, sibling etc.  It can also happen in the context of competitive situations, such as the workplace or education.  It may start with short time envy but it takes you to the realm of long lasting jealousy which destroys yourself and the other you are envious about.  Rather than letting jealousy infect your relationship with others, use its appearance as a reason to work on yourself and to understand the fears that drive it.

Ways of tackling the emotion of jealousy:

Understand the emotion of jealousy. A combination of fear and anger, jealousy is fed by the fear of losing someone (or a cherished situation/state of affairs) and anger that someone else is "moving in" on the person or situation that is of value to you personally. It is a destructive and ignoble emotion and nothing good can come of it, so recognition of its occurrence is your number one self-defense.

Deconstruct Why you feel jealous in the first place. From a place of self-compassion, try to figure out why you are feeling jealous.  Often it is about reliving an experience of failure from the past.  It lingers to inform your level of trust toward people in the present, even though current conditions may be vastly different.  Other motivators for jealousy include a high level of insecurity, anger toward yourself and fear of abandonment or vulnerability which lead inferiority complex.

Be Honest to yourself. If you are honest to yourself, you shall be least bothered about others’ achievements.  You shall be able to radiate this honesty onto others. You are created with a special purpose and you only can make it. When you are distracted by others’ achievements, you cannot be faithful to your purpose of life. As someone has said, your enemy is not others but you yourself. Your attitude decides your altitude.  Blame game does not help.  Find out ways to increase your self-esteem thereby removing the complexes that develop into jealousy.

Also bear in mind, jealousy will not give you confidence in yourself and make you an achiever, but shall take away the energy you need to be an achiever.  You Be Your Master.

BUSY: Being Under Satan's Yoke

Following is a beautiful anecdote I came across which I felt is beneficial for my blog readers – to ponder and make changes in our lives. 

SATAN'S MEETING:

Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said, "We can't keep people from going to pray."  "We can't keep them from reading their holy books and knowing the truth."  "We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their God ". "Once they gain that connection with GOD, our power over them is broken."  "So let them go to their prayers; let them have their covered dish dinners, BUT steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with GOD.."

"This is what I want you to do," said the devil: "Distract them from gaining hold of their GOD and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"  

"How shall we do this?" his demons shouted.    "Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered. 

"Tempt them to spend, spend…, and borrow, borrow…." 

"Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles."  "Keep them from spending time with their children."  "As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!" 

"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice."  "Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive." To keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-religious music constantly."  "This will jam their minds and break that union with God." "Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers." "Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day."  "Invade their driving moments with billboards." "Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes.."  "Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives.  "Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night." "Give them headaches too! "  "If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere."  "That will fragment their families quickly!"  

"Give them distractions to distract them from teaching their Children the real meaning of life." "Even in their recreation, let them be excessive." "Have them return from their recreation exhausted." "Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead."  "Keep them busy, busy, busy!" "And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences. "  "Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from GOD." "Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause."  "It will work!"

The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing people everywhere to get busier and more rushed, going here and there. Having little time for their God or their families. Having no time to tell others about the power of GOD to change lives. I guess the question is, has the devil been successful in his schemes? You be the judge!

Does "BUSY" mean: B-eing U-nder S-atan's Y-oke?

Beware of what you believe.

Beware of what you aspire for and work for.

Beware of what you transfer – Your life speaks more than words.

KNOW, LOVE, BELIEVE

Everyone’s life ambition is to be happy and to enjoy life the best way possible.  If, for some people money is the key of happiness, for some others fame or popularity is, still for some others power is…. this list shall go on with many other things.  We see many successful people around in various fields and we want to become like them. “If I had money like them I can be happy”, “if I had fame or popularity like them, I can be happy”, “if I had power like them, I can be happy”…. the thoughts go in this manner and we can never be happy.

We do not see the hard work behind their success in life.  We see a successful person after his/her achievement.  But never do we see their past – the kind of hard and frustrating experiences they have gone through, the sweat they had poured and the sleepless nights they had spent in order to become what they are when we see them.  We never see how many times they have failed and it is their persistence and perseverance that has made him/her an achiever.  There are sleepless nights, constant thoughts and dogged contribution behind every successful man/woman.  When failure had come, they either persistently kept on or took another course of life which made them achievers. We must have come across people who have chosen a way of life, but left it after some time, finding that it is not their cup of tea, and chose another path which made them successful in another area.

We want to be an achiever but never bother to discover ourselves, our aptitude, ability and expertise that are lying hidden.  Life is always filled with challenges. The tide of life can be turned not through luck and circumstances, but catching it at the flood and generating the power to create events and making them yield results.

I want to share with you three basic ingredients if you want to enjoy your life - know what you are doing, love what you are doing and believe in what you are doing. Persevere and perspire till you reach ‘there’. Never do anything haphazardly or half heartedly. You should never let failures fail you or successes blind you. Keep your mind focused and your brain occupied – know, love and believe in what you are doing.

YOU BE YOU

In the entire universe, in all time, you are the only you. Never have molecules come together exactly like you, never again will your footsteps be repeated upon this earth. Your strength is the strength someone can count on, your life is the life that can make a difference (Author Unknown).  Hence you be you.

When we see other people who are charming or handsome, those who achieve and make money, those who are appreciated and praised by others, those who go high in the social, educational and political ladder of life, we tend to either become jealous or be overcome by despair. We tend to copycat those whom we are jealous about.  In this process, we cannot be genuine. We tend to forget our true self.

A plum once said, just because a banana lover came by, I converted myself into a banana. Unfortunately, his taste changed after a few months and so I became an orange. When he said I was bitter I became an apple, but he went in search of grapes. Yielding to the opinions of so many people, I have changed so many times that I no more know who I am. How I wish I had remained a plum and waited for a plum lover.

Just because some people do not accept you as you are, you need not strip yourself of your originality. You need to think good of yourself and be proud about you.  If I ask whether you know Ajay Kumar, the cine star, you may be blank. But if I ask whether you know ‘Undapakru’ or ‘Guinness Pakru’, the answer shall be yes.  Because of the confidence in himself which enabled him to ignore his short stature, he grew to the level of being named in the Guinness Book of World Records. If you have not happened to see the video clips of Nick Vujicic, a man without hands and legs, I recommend you to watch it in youtube. Remember that the world takes you at your own estimate. Never stoop down to gain recognition, never let go off your true self to win anything and never trade your uniqueness, for momentary recognition.  There is a world for each one of you, where you shall reign as king / queen by just being yourself.  

Gold cannot be used to make electric wires, water cannot be used to run a vehicle and petrol cannot be used for drinking.   The fragility of the ant enables it to move and the rigidity of the tree enables it to stay rooted. Everything and everybody has been designed with a proportion of uniqueness to serve a purpose that we can fulfill only by being our unique self. You as you alone can serve your purpose and I as I alone can serve my purpose. You are here to be you, just you.  Let us be the best we can be.  

You are original, rare and unique. Don’t be timid but celebrate your uniqueness, for, YOU ARE A MASTERPIECE.