STORY OF NARESH – TRULY INSPIRING

A story is shared to put a spark of enthusiasm in my readers:

“God has always been planning things for me!”  Naga Naresh Karutura has just passed out of IIT Madras in Computer Science and has joined Google in Bangalore.  You may ask, what's so special about this 21-year-old when there are hundreds of students passing out from various IITs and joining big companies like Google? 

Naresh is special.  His parents are illiterate. He has no legs and moves around in his powered wheel chair.  Ever smiling, optimistic and full of spirit; that is Naresh. He says, "God has always been planning things for me. That is why I feel I am lucky."  

Read why Naresh feels he is lucky:

 

Childhood in a village: I spent the first seven years of my life in Teeparru, a small village in Andhra Pradesh, on the banks of the river Godavari. My father Prasad was a lorry driver and my mother Kumari, a house wife. Though they were illiterate, my parents instilled in me and my elder sister (Sirisha) the importance of studying.  Looking back, one thing that surprises me now is the way my father taught me when I was in the 1st and 2nd standards. My father would ask me questions from the text book, and I would answer them. At that time, I didn't know he could not read or write but to make me happy, he helped me in my studies!  Another memory that doesn't go away is the floods in the village and how I was carried on top of a buffalo by my uncle. I also remember plucking fruits from a tree that was full of thorns. 

I used to be very naughty, running around and playing all the time with my friends.. I used to get a lot of scolding for disturbing the elders who slept in the afternoon. The moment they started scolding, I would run away to the fields! 

I also remember finishing my school work fast in class and sleeping on the teacher's lap! 

 

On the January 11, 1993 when we had the sankranti holidays, my mother took my sister and me to a nearby village for a family function. From there we were to go with our grandmother to our native place. But my grandmother did not come there. As there were no buses that day, my mother took a lift in my father's friend's lorry. As there were many people in the lorry, he made me sit next to him, close to the door. 

It was my fault; I fiddled with the door latch and it opened wide throwing me out. As I fell, my legs got cut by the iron rods protruding from the lorry. Nothing happened to me except scratches on my legs.  The accident had happened just in front of a big private hospital but they refused to treat me saying it was an accident case. Then a police constable who was passing by took us to a government hospital. 

First I underwent an operation as my small intestine got twisted. The doctors also bandaged my legs. I was there for a week. When the doctors found that gangrene had developed and it had reached up to my knees, they asked my father to take me to a district hospital. There, the doctors scolded my parents a lot for neglecting the wounds and allowing the gangrene to develop. But what could my ignorant parents do?  

In no time, both my legs were amputated up to the hips.  I remember waking up and asking my mother, where are my legs? I also remember that my mother cried when I asked the question. I was in the hospital for three months.  Life without legs!

I don't think my life changed dramatically after I lost both my legs. Because all at home were doting on me, I was enjoying all the attention rather than pitying myself. I was happy that I got a lot of fruits and biscuits.  'I never wallowed in self-pity'. The day I reached my village, my house was flooded with curious people; all of them wanted to know how a boy without legs looked. But I was not bothered; I was happy to see so many of them coming to see me, especially my friends! 

All my friends saw to it that I was part of all the games they played; they carried me everywhere. 

God's hand: I believe in God. I believe in destiny. I feel he plans everything for you. If not for the accident, we would not have moved from the village to Tanuku, a town. There I joined a missionary school, and my father built a house next to the school. Till the tenth standard, I studied in that school. 

If I had continued in Teeparu, I may not have studied after the 10th. I may have started working as a farmer or someone like that after my studies. I am sure God had other plans for me. 

My sister, my friend:  When the school was about to reopen, my parents moved from Teeparu to Tanuku, a town, and admitted both of us in a Missionary school. They decided to put my sister also in the same class though she is two years older. They thought she could take care of me if both of us were in the same class. My sister never complained.  She would be there for everything. Many of my friends used to tell me, you are so lucky to have such a loving sister. There are many who do not care for their siblings.  She carried me in the school for a few years and after a while, my friends took over the task. When I got the tricycle, my sister used to push me around in the school.  My life, I would say, was normal, as everyone treated me like a normal kid. I never wallowed in self-pity. I was a happy boy and competed with others to be on top and the others also looked at me as a competitor. 

Inspiration: I was inspired by two people when in school; my Maths teacher Pramod Lal who encouraged me to participate in various local talent tests, and a brilliant boy called Chowdhary, who was my senior.  When I came to know that he had joined Gowtham Junior College to prepare for IIT-JEE, it became my dream too. I was school first in 10th scoring 542/600.  Because I topped in the state exams, Gowtham Junior College waived the fee for me. Pramod Sir's recommendation also helped. The fee was around Rs 50,000 per year, which my parents could never afford. 

 

Living in a residential school was a big change for me because till then my life centred around home and school and I had my parents and sister to take care of all my needs. It was the first time that I was interacting with society. It took one year for me to adjust to the new life. There, my inspiration was a boy called K K S Bhaskar who was in the top 10 in IIT-JEE exams. He used to come to our school to encourage us. Though my parents didn't know anything about Gowtham Junior School or IIT, they always saw to it that I was encouraged in whatever I wanted to do. If the results were good, they would praise me to the skies and if bad, they would try to see something good in that. They did not want me to feel bad.  They are such wonderful supportive parents. 

Life at IIT- Madras: Though my overall rank in the IIT-JEE was not that great (992), I was 4th in the physically handicapped category. So, I joined IIT, Madras to study Computer Science.  Here, my role model was Karthik who was also my senior in school. I looked up to him during my years at IIT- Madras.  He had asked for attached bathrooms for those with special needs before I came here itself. So, when I came here, the room had attached bath. He used to help me and guide me a lot when I was here.  I evolved as a person in these four years, both academically and personally. It has been a great experience studying here. The people I was interacting with were so brilliant that I felt privileged to sit along with them in the class. Just by speaking to my lab mates, I gained a lot. 'There are more good people in society than bad ones'

   

Words are inadequate to express my gratitude to Prof Pandurangan and all my lab mates; all were simply great. I was sent to Boston along with four others for our internship by Prof Pandurangan. It was a great experience.  

I did not want to pursue PhD as I wanted my parents to take rest now.  Morgan Stanley selected me first but I preferred Google because I wanted to work in pure computer science, algorithms and game theory. 

I am lucky: Do you know why?  I get help from total strangers without me asking for it. Once after my second year at IIT, I with some of my friends was travelling in a train for a conference. We met a kind gentleman called Sundar in the train, and he has been taking care of my hostel fees from then on.  I have to mention about Jaipur foot. I had Jaipur foot when I was in 3rd standard. After two years, I stopped using them. As I had almost no stems on my legs, it was very tough to tie them to the body. I found walking with Jaipur foot very, very slow. Sitting also was a problem. I found my tricycle faster because I am one guy who wants to do things faster. 

One great thing about the hospital is, they don't think their role ends by just fixing the Jaipur foot; they arrange for livelihood for all. They asked me what help I needed from them. I told them at that time, if I got into an IIT, I needed financial help from them. So, from the day I joined IIT, Madras, my fees were taken care of by them. So, my education at the IIT was never a burden on my parents and they could take care of my sister's Nursing studies. 

Surprise awaited me at IIT: After my first year, when I went home, two things happened here at the Institute without my knowledge.  I got a letter from my department that they had arranged a lift and ramps at the department for me. It also said that if I came a bit early and checked whether it met with my requirements, it would be good.  Second surprise was, the Dean, Prof.  Idichandy and the Students General Secretary, Prasad had located a place that sold powered wheel chairs. The cost was Rs 55,000. What they did was, they did not buy the wheel chair; they gave me the money so that the wheel chair belonged to me and not the institute. My life changed after that. I felt free and independent.  That's why I say I am lucky. God has planned things for me and takes care of me at every step. 

The world is full of good people! I also feel if you are motivated and show some initiative, people around you will always help you. I also feel there are more good people in society than bad ones. I want all those who read this to feel that if  Naresh can achieve something in life, you can too.

A GENERATION WITH A SENSE OF DIRECTION

In a previous post titled “Where is the Human Race Going?” I spoke about the trend of spoilt nature among the youths of today.  In that I have mentioned that I shall write about the youths who are responsible and sensible, who show concern and are considerate to others.  I shall write about the other side of the coin in this post. If they are properly motivated and directed, we can do wonders through them. I remember our teachers telling us that we all have talents and energy; if they are not used for creative purpose, we tend to use it for destructive purpose.  Channelizing them for creative use is the remedy for vicious use of them.

To prove it, I can give numerous examples, but I wish to limit it to the activities of the youths of the Kottarakkara-Punalur Diocese of the Mar Thoma Church under the guidance of Rt. Rev. Dr. Euyakim Mar Coorilos, the Diocesan bishop. The youths of the Diocese initiated a project named “Snehamrudam” (meaning: life-sustaining potion of love) as a gift to the bishop to honor him during the silver jubilee of his consecration.  It was inaugurated on 20^th April 2014 and for the last 524 days, the youths of the diocese supply breakfast to 250 patients of the District Hospital, Kottarakkara and to 25 people who sleep in the pavement. 15 to 25 youths of the diocese gather together at 5 a.m. (considering the travel time, they must be getting up at 4 a.m. or even before) to pack the food and supply it to the above points. They do it voluntarily; without any kind of remuneration. We must also bear in mind that it is not a one day event; but an ongoing project! The project needs Rs. 7500 for a day’s food. When I talked to the co-coordinator of the project Rev. Jossey E. George, he said that more than a benevolent activity, a new culture has emerged from this and all who are involved does this with excitement and they look forward to involve with the project.

Another project that has emerged initiated by the youths of the diocese is the “Clean City, Green City” in which about 90 youths gather together to clean the Kottarakkara town area. They have become aware of the polluted environment they are in and they try to do their share in the remedy of it. I recall the saying in Malayalam “annan kinjum thannalaayathu” (the squirrel doing as it can). [To those who are not aware of the legend behind this saying:  When Seetha, the wife of Rama was taken to Lanka by Ravana, Rama wanted to rescue her.  He started building a way across the sea.  A squirrel seeing the activity dipped himself in the sea and moved to the land to be covered by sand.  This activity was going on while Rama saw this.  He asked the squirrel about it and the tiny creature said, “I am doing my share in helping Rama, the King, in building the road to Lanka.” Then Rama took the squirrel in his hand affectionately, ran his fingers over it and said “annan kunjum thannalayathu”.  The legend says that the three lines on the South Indian species of rabbits is the finger mark of the king Rama.

          If the energy and potential are properly channelized, our youths can do wonders.  The problem,  I assume, is not with the youths, but with the older generation who are not willing to encourage them to get involved in the day-to-day affairs even of their homes, leave alone that of the community. They are ‘trained’ to be selfish and ‘oriented’ to look for ways of making money. They are not taught to share and show concern. When they cannot ‘succeed’ as the parents want them to be, they look for ways of revenging their parents by destroying themselves. The destructive activities that we see around are mainly the wrong channeling of the potential and energy.

Catch them young, teach them young and orient them young; the outcome shall be incredible!

EVERYTHING FOR OUR BETTERMENT

& NOT HARASSMENT

A church in London had rules that it would not employ anyone, without formal high school education. The old pastor was benign and not a stickler of rules. He allowed Alfred Dunhill (who lacked formal education) as the caretaker to clean the pews, sweep the floor and keep the podium spick and span. Dunhill had put off taking his high school examination till it became too late. Once the old pastor retired, he was replaced by a younger person who followed the rule book. As he came to know about the caretaker’s education, he issued a notice to him that either he should get a high school certificate in six months or he should resign.

Dunhill knew that you could not teach an old dog a new trick and that he had no option but to resign. He started out his afternoon stroll in deep thought and got into Bond Street. Suddenly, he felt an urge to smoke. He could not find a single tobacco shop on the entire street. He walked further down into a side street where he could purchase his cigarette. He came back to the busy Bond Street. He realized that a small cigarette shop in the street would be a sound business proposition.

He resigned at the church and started a small shop on Bond Street which prospered way beyond his expectations. He noticed that many of his customers were coming from the other side of the street. He started another shop on that side of Bond Street. The two shops multiplied to four and then sixteen. In three years, Alfred Dunhill Co. was a leading tobacconist in England. He started machine-rolling cigarettes and introduced his own brand of Dunhill cigarettes. In five years, he was a millionaire many over.  To ensure a consistent supply of tobacco, he entered into an annual purchase agreement with a couple of American tobacco farmers and went across to America to meet them.

It was a big boost for the American tobacco farmers and the contract signing ceremony was converted into a media circus, with a Senator and Governor participating. When the contracts were actually signed, Dunhill affixed his thumb impression because he had not learnt to sign his name. The Governor was impressed and said, “Well Sir! This is awesome. Even without a formal education you have achieved so much. Just imagine what you would have done if you had a formal education!” Dunhill’s characteristic often repeated reply was, “If I knew how to read and write, I would still be sweeping the church!”

I am not sure whether this story is true; but I personally know a person - just because he did not have a formal education enough to be absorbed in a factory, started off with taking the small maintenance work of the factory in the beginning and later became a leading contractor of the same company. He once told me, “If I had passed SSLC (Secondary School Leaving Certificate), I would have been a supervisor when I reach the age of retirement”. Main reasons for his achievement in life was clarity of his abilities, positive attitude, determination and willingness for hard work.

Remember whatever happens in our life is a plan for our Betterment and not for our Harassment, provided we have the above focus!

WHERE IS THE HUMAN RACE GOING?

          We are blessed with many things in the world; many things the previous generations couldn’t even dream of, but, we are cursed not to see the giver of those blessings.  The self-indulging events that are happening around even by the people who are ‘religious’ is a proof enough for the above statement.  Many blessings are seen as tools for hedonism, licentious and permissive lives.    

          Children are the future of any country. If they are not nurtured to promote ethical values, the future of the country is doomed. If so, the news that comes from various corners of the earth are as hopeful as it ought to be. If we can believe the information that come in the mass media, the major perpetrator of the riotous kind of behavior of the new generation comes through the visual media like movies, TV channels’ serials. Though it is not the sole perpetrator, it plays a major role in the behavior pattern of the younger generation. Even the TV channels that are meant for children, leave alone the channel serials that depicts violence, extra marital and pre-marital relationships, has ‘super-human’ and mischievous characters and the young minds are polluted by these kinds of depictions. The parents do not have time or forget to teach their children the moral values to be upheld in their lives. Isn’t it true that many parents are helpless before their teenage and young children? Isn’t it true that in many homes it is the children who control their parents? Am I exaggerating if I say that many parents fear their children? They know how to bargain on their parents and get what they want. One day the parents of a teenage boy came to me with bruised faces and said that their son wanted a high power bike and when they declined to buy it for him, he thrashed them. He was only seventeen at that time and the educated parents knew that he is not supposed to ride a geared bike; but who wants to hear that? His argument was that his friends have it and hence he also needs it. The children are least bothered about the source of income of their parents – they see, they like and they want; period; nothing else. For these kinds of children whatever they see around is meant for ‘their enjoyment’ and they are least bothered about what happens to others because of their misbehavior.

Since the children are not groomed with a sense of morality, they do not find any fault in indulging in any kind of misbehavior. One day a young man came to me to tell that a girl in my parish was married to him through civil marriage. He produced the certificate of marriage also. To make the story short, he was working with an oil company and he was off duty for three months after three or four months of work. They used to be together whenever he comes to India and she used to siphon off his sentiments by asking costly items. I was surprised to hear it since I knew that she lived in her home with her parents. Finally I found that she used to go with him convincing her parents that she is going on study tour or visiting her friends in another town.

Many a children know that even if they do some mischief even to the level of fatal hurting on others, their parents will come to their rescue.  The helpless and hapless parents shall be willing even to sell everything in order to ‘save’ their children from the knot they are tangled. Isn’t it high time to stop, stare and ask, “Where are we going?”

(I am not generalizing that all the teenagers and youths are spoilt; there are many responsible and sensible youths in this generation who show concern and are considerate. I shall write about them in another post.)

STOP REACTING, START RESPONDING

In addition to what I have written in a post a couple of weeks ago titled: TO PREPARE AND PREVENT IS BETTER THAN TO REPAIR AND REPENT, I share this titled ‘the philosophy of the cockroach’ to my readers.

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but …it landed on another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter. The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the movement of the cockroach on his shirt. At the opportune juncture, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Was the cockroach responsible for the edgy behavior inside the restaurant? Of course yes. It was the cockroach and the eerie feeling that it generates that caused such commotion. If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos. Please note: it was not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that distressed them. 

Therefore, it is not the ‘irritating’ behavior of my son, daughter, brother, sister or my wife (the list can go on with any number of people that annoys us) that disturbs me, but it’s my inability to handle the turbulence caused by their disturbance. It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the annoyance caused by the traffic jam.

The Bottom-line is that more than the problem, it is the uncontrolled reaction to the problem that creates chaos in our lives. The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded. Thus, do not react in life, but always respond. Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of, poised and save a situation from going out of hands. Thus, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger or anxiety, to avoid stress or hurry, to have a calm personality……stop reacting, start responding.

HOW CAN WE BE ACHIEVERS?

Many a times, we envy people who are famous achievers, but we never realize that their becoming famous have a couple of prerequisites, that is, a dream (idea) and hard work to chase the dream.   You ask anyone who have come out with flying colors in any examinations, in any national and international sports and games events, in any field for that matter, they will share the fact they had a dream or desire and they perspired to achieve it.

The people in this genre accumulate a fortune through the application of the same principles that are available to all of us. We envy them without ever thinking or studying their philosophy and appropriating it to our own use. We look at a successful person at the hour of his/her triumph and not when he/she was struggling.

Dream is the beginning of all successful achievements. There are lots of us who want money but we don’t know how to earn it. That is because we have not bothered to discover ourselves, our talents, abilities, skills which are lying dormant. Once you arouse them, experiment with them, play with them, you will know how to use them. Just as we build a check-dam to hold the natural flow of water, we put  blocks on our dreams:  They can be classified as:

1.     Making Excuses:  You look at any successful person and you will find that they will always look for possibilities and never find excuses not to chase their dreams.  They will never put blame on others for their failures. They will never justify their poor choices.

2.   Fearing Failure: They will be expecting failures on their way to success and hence shall not be disappointed when failure comes.  They are aware that failure is not the end of the road – it is one step on the road to success. Too many people run into a tiny bit of failure, and they think they’re done forever. They give up immediately, never realizing how close they were to achieving their goals.

3.   Beating Yourself Up:  Successful people don’t beat themselves up. They understand that taking their anger out on themselves only push their goals farther away. They still get upset, but they channel those emotions into constructive energy. They use that energy as jet fuel to reach their goals.

The truth about success is that you’re closer than you think. Sometimes all it takes is tearing down the floodgates, so you can let your dreams pour in. Never give up, but persevere and perspire. You shall be a high flier.

TO PREPARE AND PREVENT 

IS BETTER THAN TO REPAIR AND REPENT

“To prepare and prevent is better than to repair and repent” is a billboard in the campus of CMC (Christian Medical College), Vellore (courtesy to the FB post of Rev. Viji Varghese Eapen). I thought it is worth sharing with my readers. Though it is meant mainly to caution the patients to maintain their health, it is true with our manners.

Before we utter a word when we are agitated inside; before we do something when we are hurt, we are to learn to control our wounded emotions.  We must be aware of the difference between reaction and response.  Many a times we react, but we have to learn to respond to all kinds of situations.  A reaction is typically quick, without much thought, tense and aggressive. Reaction, without thinking leads to destruction. A response is thought out, calm and non-threatening.  A reaction typically provokes more reactions – perpetuating a long line of hatefulness with nothing accomplished.  A response typically provokes discussion – perpetuating healthy discussion (debate even) that leads to resolution.

"Quench the Spark" (also translated as "A Spark Neglected Burns the House") is a short story by Leo Tolstoy highlighting the virtues of reconciliation. The story opens with the family of Ivan; a generally harmonious family that does rather well for itself. They were on good terms with their neighbors, the family of Gabriel, until one day when a hen that belonged to the Ivan’s family flew into the yard of the Gabriel family and laid several eggs. Later that day, Ivan's daughter in law went to retrieve the eggs, but grandmother of Gabriel takes offense at being accused of stealing. A huge uproar ensues that embroils every member of each family. Against the advice of the family elders to seek quick reconciliation, the families bring cases against each other in court, and they blame each other for every little mishap that happens to befall them. Every accusation makes the enmity grow, the children learn from the example of their parents, and the feud goes on for six years.

The elders urge for the families to forget their differences, but the feud continues. A drunken Gabriel strikes one of Ivan's daughters-in-law, and Ivan eventually sees to it that he is sentenced to flogging. Gabriel is shocked, and he curses his neighbor. The magistrate urges the two to reconcile, but Gabriel refuses.

Ivan eventually begins to feel sorry for Gabriel, but he refuses to see his own wrongdoing in the quarrel. Ivan's father urges him to reconcile, and to stop wasting his time and money going to court, and to stop setting a bad example for his family. Ivan still refuses to reconcile.

Eventually Gabriel sets Ivan's house on fire. No neighbors will help Ivan save his belongings, and eventually the fire overtakes Gabriel's house as well. Ivan's father was burned in the fire, and, on his deathbed, Ivan's father asks his son whose fault the fire was. Ivan finally realizes that it was his fault, and asks forgiveness from his father and from God. His father urges Ivan never to tell that it was Gabriel that had set the fire, and Ivan agrees.

Gabriel and Ivan again became good friends, and their families lived together as their houses were rebuilt. The families then go on to become more prosperous than ever, all for following the elders' advice: to quench a spark before it becomes a fire.

As someone has rightly said:

Reaction is quick whereas response takes time.

Reaction is emotion-filled whereas response removes all emotion.

Reaction is often aggressive whereas response allows for assertiveness without aggression.

Reaction snowballs into unnecessary and prolonged periods of discontent and disagreement whereas response resolves conflict quickly.

When we react, we are giving away our power. When we respond, we are staying in control of ourselves. It is better to   prepare and prevent than to repair and repent.